1. Who Cares - Emily Kenway

It is not my first time being the primary long-term caregiver for a loved one, and the feelings engendered were the same as before, a sense of navigating a dark gray world within the normal one.

The normal world rushes past in a fury of future plans, upskilling, home construction, changing jobs, travel, etc. The gray world? Seemingly an endless cycle of medications, frequent doctor visits, nerve-wracking emergency dashes, anxiously awaiting crucial reports, caregiving, and… an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

I read this book on my phone, seeking a companion who understood what I was feeling and going through. I read it in the in-between snatches of time when one cannot concentrate on anything, and even reading is a chore. This was my personal diary without having to write in it. The narrative delves into the feeling of detachment, the lack of energy for self-care, the constant physical and emotional demands, the erosion of personal identity, and, at times, haunting despair.

While anyone can fall into this role at any time, women tend to bear the brunt more frequently. As the author points out, one never knows when life will demand such a disruption — be it for aging parents, a spouse, or, tragically, even a child.

The resulting upheaval brings about an existential crisis. You feel moored on a cold gray mist-filled land, seemingly screaming into the void. Although you can vaguely discern the outlines of a few people undergoing similar struggles, reaching out to them for solidarity often feels impossible.

I found the book very accurate in its depiction of caregiving, the challenges, the agony of witnessing the decline of a loved one, the evolutionary bias against people in this role, the profound love underscoring everyday tribulations, the exhaustion, and the invisibility from mainstream life.

What makes the book valuable is its coverage of potential improvements. We need a system that supports caregivers as well as those under their care. I was very lucky to work in an environment where I had the support of my colleagues and superiors. Not everyone is that lucky in their professional life. This labor should not be hidden nor left unacknowledged.

My take: Not a must read per se, but it may help understand and empathize the caregiver’s role and the sacrifices inherent in such a role.

2. The Psychology of Money - Morgan Housel

This is one of the best books on money that I have read. It concentrates on the framework of becoming wealthy and not the specific means. It helps to understand oneself and how one approaches money. It is similar to taking stock of how you feel, where you are at and how you think of money and what will help in the taking the long term view.

Some very insightful nuggets -

  1. Wealth is what you don’t see, the unspent money that represents financial security, not the flashy purchases.
  2. Get rich slowly by focusing on consistent habits and living below your means rather than chasing risky “get-rich-quick” schemes.
  3. Luck and risk play a bigger role than we think in financial outcomes, which tempers the pressure to achieve overnight success. This especially had some very illuminating anecdotes that underscore the understanding, The perspective of a person investing during the depression era vs someone investing at a different time.
  4. Compound interest is a powerful tool, but patience and a long-term perspective are key to reaping its benefits.
  5. Emotions often hijack our financial decisions, so understanding our biases like fear and greed is crucial for making sound choices.

My take: A must read to help analyze your financial outlook and understand your financial decisions.

3. Being Mortal - Atul Gawande

This is my second reading of this book. This time the book hit me harder simply because of the stage of my life that I am currently in. While the book itself is heart-wrenching the question about the choices to be made when your loved one is hospitalized is something that is difficult but needs to be addressed. It is so full of moral and personal conflicts.

Some questions that come up -

  • When should you draw the line for medical procedures ?
  • Who will make the decisions on quality of life and usefulness of medical procedures ?
  • When do you let go ?
  • Should you let go ?

There are no universal right or wrong answers. Every question and answer is a journey into your faith, belief, ethics and a painful realization that nothing you choose may give your loved one succor.

My take: A must read if you want to prepare for the challenging end-of-life decisions - be it your own or that of your loved ones.

4. You’re Not Listening - Kate Murphy

There are times when I feel I am living in a world of cacophony. It is an age where everyone is shouting at the top of their voices - about their accomplishments, their vacations, their promotions etc. Nothing wrong with making work and accomplishments visible but who is listening ?

With the world filled with narcissistic leaders, is listening actually a good skill to have ? I think it is contextual (like everything else !). There is a time to listen and there is a time to talk. But listening on the whole will help enrich any relationship.

Some of the things that caught my attention in the book are -

  • How you talk to yourself affects how you hear other people.
  • Your internal stance should be one of curiosity when listening.
  • Listening is a continuous practice and not a mastered skill.
  • It is helpful to think of listening as similar to meditation. You make yourself aware of and acknowledge distractions, then return to focus. But instead of focusing on your breathing or an image, you return your attention to the speaker.
  • None of us are good listeners all the time. It’s human nature to get distracted by what’s going on in your own head. Listening takes effort.

One startling revelation is the insidious nature of hearing loss. We often miss out on subtle nuances in conversations or rely on our brain to fill in the gaps, remaining blissfully unaware until the problem becomes severe.

My take: Can read if you want to improve your listening skills.

5. Fast Like a girl - Mindy Pelz

I picked up this book because I find fasting a challenge. And having come across the term “hormonally vibrant” from one of Rujuta Diwekar’s books I thought maybe I was not getting the timing of my fast right.

While the book delves into the intricacies of the hormones and their play, fasting periods juxtapositioned with the cycles etc. I will zoom on my personal experience -

  • Could I fast ?

    Yes - for 18-19 hours without feeling hungry. On multiple occasions. Will try the longer fasts later.

  • Will it make me lose weight ?

    Don’t know.

  • Will it make me healthy ?

    Not sure but am hoping so.

My take: Read if the subject interests you. For people who do not prefer a book medium, the author has a youtube channel as well.

6. 5 AM Club - Robin Sharma

I hate one-size-fits-all formula type of books and personally I felt this was one of them. While a passing reference has been made to other types of schedules the only schedule that is discussed in detail is the industrial-age based schedule where the person gets off work at a predefined time and has no other work calls after that. Not realistic.

Deep Work by Cal Newport is much better even though the premise is different and he tackles three types of schedules for deep work based on the how a person works. And on the subject of habits - Atomic habits by James Clear is much much better.

I also did not find the book coherent and it had too many jargons in every chapter. The fiction part simply weakened the whole message and took up too many words.

On the whole the book felt like an overinflated magazine article.

My take: Avoid.

Other books I read :